The Cost of Letting Go
What earthly things do we love more than God, and why is it so agonizing to surrender them?
Matthew 19:1-30
Read the whole passage before anything else. Everything below exists to help you understand what you just read.
1When Jesus had finished these words, he departed from Galilee and came into the borders of Judea beyond the Jordan.
2Great multitudes followed him, and he healed them there.
3Pharisees came to him, testing him and saying, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?”
4He answered, “Haven’t you read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female,
5and said, ‘For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall be joined to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh’?
6So that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, don’t let man tear apart.”
7They asked him, “Why then did Moses command us to give her a certificate of divorce and divorce her?”
8He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it has not been so.
9I tell you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and he who marries her when she is divorced commits adultery.”
10His disciples said to him, “If this is the case of the man with his wife, it is not expedient to marry.”
11But he said to them, “Not all men can receive this saying, but those to whom it is given.
12For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men; and there are eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven’s sake. He who is able to receive it, let him receive it.”
13Then little children were brought to him that he should lay his hands on them and pray; and the disciples rebuked them.
14But Jesus said, “Allow the little children, and don’t forbid them to come to me; for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to ones like these.”
15He laid his hands on them, and departed from there.
16Behold, one came to him and said, “Good teacher, what good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life?”
17He said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good but one, that is, God. But if you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.”
18He said to him, “Which ones?” Jesus said, “‘You shall not murder.’ ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ ‘You shall not steal.’ ‘You shall not offer false testimony.’
19‘Honor your father and your mother.’ And, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”
20The young man said to him, “All these things I have observed from my youth. What do I still lack?”
21Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have, and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”
22But when the young man heard this, he went away sad, for he was one who had great possessions.
23Jesus said to his disciples, “Most certainly I say to you, a rich man will enter into the Kingdom of Heaven with difficulty.
24Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through a needle’s eye than for a rich man to enter into God’s Kingdom.”
25When the disciples heard it, they were exceedingly astonished, saying, “Who then can be saved?”
26Looking at them, Jesus said, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
27Then Peter answered, “Behold, we have left everything and followed you. What then will we have?”
28Jesus said to them, “Most certainly I tell you that you who have followed me, in the regeneration when the Son of Man will sit on the throne of his glory, you also will sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.
29Everyone who has left houses, or brothers, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive one hundred times, and will inherit eternal life.
30But many will be last who are first, and first who are last.
What just happened?
Jesus has been ministering in Galilee for some time, teaching and healing across the region. Now, Matthew tells us, He is on the move again. He departs from Galilee and heads south, crossing the Jordan River and entering the borders of Judea. This isn't just a geographical shift; it marks a significant stage in His ministry. He's moving closer to Jerusalem, the heart of Jewish religious and political power, and towards the ultimate confrontation that awaits Him there. As always, large crowds follow, drawn by His teaching and the consistent, undeniable reality of His healing power. His reputation precedes Him, and the people are hungry for what He offers, whether it's physical healing or a new understanding of God's Kingdom.
This journey into Judea also brings Him into direct contact with the religious establishment in their home territory. The Pharisees, a powerful and influential religious group, often observed Jesus, testing and questioning Him. They were meticulous interpreters of the Jewish law, and their encounters with Jesus frequently revolved around legalistic debates. Here, they challenge Him on divorce, a complex and debated topic in first-century Judaism, hoping to trap Him in His words. Their concern wasn't pastoral care for those suffering from divorce, but rather to assess Jesus's adherence to their understanding of the Mosaic Law and expose any perceived deviation from tradition.
The landscape of first-century Judea was a place of diverse expectations. Roman occupation meant political tension simmered beneath the surface, while economic disparities were stark. For many, life was hard, filled with illness, poverty, and uncertainty. The hope of a Messiah was strong, but people imagined a political or military leader who would overthrow Rome and restore Israel's glory. Jesus's message of an 'upside-down kingdom' often clashed with these expectations, particularly when it involved radical demands about wealth, relationships, and personal sacrifice. This passage captures that tension vividly: religious leaders are focused on legal disputes, the common people are desperate for healing, and Jesus is steadily revealing a path that challenges everyone's assumptions about how God's Kingdom works.
Marriage From the Beginning
The Pharisees approach Jesus with a loaded question about divorce: 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason?' This wasn't just an abstract legal debate; it was a hot-button issue with two main schools of thought. The school of Hillel argued for broad grounds for divorce, even for minor offenses like burning dinner. The school of Shammai took a stricter stance, permitting divorce only in cases of grave sexual misconduct. The Pharisees likely intended to force Jesus to side with one, alienating the other, or to say something radical enough to discredit Him.
But Jesus doesn't play their game. He immediately elevates the conversation above legalistic interpretations to God's original intent for marriage. He points them to Genesis 1 and 2, reminding them that God 'made them male and female' and that a man 'shall leave his father and mother, and shall be joined to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh.' His point is clear: marriage isn't merely a human contract or a legal loophole; it's a divine institution, a profound spiritual and physical union where two become one. He concludes, 'What therefore God has joined together, don’t let man tear apart.' This statement directly challenges the prevailing cultural norms and legal leniency of the day, asserting God's foundational design.
The Pharisees, not easily deterred, push back, asking why Moses 'commanded' a certificate of divorce. Jesus clarifies that Moses 'allowed' it 'because of the hardness of your hearts,' implying a concession, not an ideal. He then reiterates a strict standard, linking divorce (except for sexual immorality, or 'porneia,' which could refer to a range of sexual improprieties, including unfaithfulness or unlawful marriages) and remarriage to adultery. This was a radical pronouncement, especially in a society where men had considerable power to initiate divorce, and women divorced without fault often faced severe economic and social hardship. Jesus's words here establish a high standard, aiming to protect the sanctity of marriage and, implicitly, the vulnerable party within it.
Children of the Kingdom
Jesus's disciples are understandably shocked by His words on divorce. Their reaction, 'If this is the case of the man with his wife, it is not expedient to marry,' reveals how profoundly His teaching went against the cultural grain. If marriage was so binding, with such severe implications for divorce, then perhaps it was better to avoid it altogether. Jesus acknowledges that not everyone can 'receive this saying,' implying a level of commitment and understanding that goes beyond surface-level adherence. He then speaks of eunuchs, mentioning those born so, those made so by others, and those who 'made themselves eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven’s sake.' This final category speaks to a radical dedication to God's work, where one willingly foregoes marriage and family for the sake of the Kingdom, a choice that was rare but valued in some religious traditions for intense devotion.
The narrative shifts abruptly but significantly to the bringing of little children to Jesus. The disciples, perhaps still processing the weighty discussion on marriage and its implications, rebuke those bringing the children. They might have seen children as unimportant, a distraction, or simply not worthy of Jesus's time, especially after such serious theological discourse. This reflects a common cultural attitude where children held a lower status. However, Jesus's response is immediate and clear: 'Allow the little children, and don’t forbid them to come to me; for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to ones like these.'
Jesus's embrace of the children is a powerful visual illustration of the upside-down nature of His Kingdom. While the disciples prioritize adult concerns and legal debates, Jesus affirms the value of the most vulnerable and seemingly insignificant. The phrase 'the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to ones like these' isn't just about childhood innocence; it points to qualities like humility, dependence, trust, and a lack of self-sufficiency – qualities that contrast sharply with the self-important attitudes of the Pharisees and even, at times, the disciples. By laying His hands on them and praying, Jesus physically demonstrates His care and blessing, reinforcing that His Kingdom is open to all who come with such childlike openness, regardless of their status or perceived importance in society.
The Rich Young Ruler's Burden
A man approaches Jesus, addressing Him as 'Good teacher,' and asks, 'What good thing shall I do, that I may have eternal life?' This question reveals a common first-century belief: that eternal life could be earned through good deeds, a checklist of religious performance. Jesus, with a pointed observation, challenges the man's address: 'Why do you call me good? No one is good but one, that is, God.' This isn't a denial of His own goodness or divinity, but an invitation for the man to consider the depth of what he's saying. Does he truly understand who Jesus is, or is he simply using a polite honorific? Jesus then steers him towards the Law, stating, 'If you want to enter into life, keep the commandments.' This is where many would expect the conversation to end, with a reaffirmation of righteous living.
The man, likely a young and prominent figure, asks, 'Which ones?' Jesus recites a list from the Ten Commandments: 'You shall not murder. You shall not commit adultery. You shall not steal. You shall not offer false testimony. Honor your father and your mother.' He then adds the summary command: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' The young man's confident reply, 'All these things I have observed from my youth. What do I still lack?' reveals his sincerity and his belief in his own moral uprightness. He genuinely feels he has done everything right, yet senses there's a missing piece, an inner void that outward observance hasn't filled. This is a common human experience – performing all the 'right' actions but still feeling incomplete.
Jesus, seeing past the outward performance to the man's heart, delivers a challenge that exposes his deepest attachment. 'If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have, and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.' This isn't a universal command for all followers to divest themselves of all possessions, but a specific, surgical strike at *this particular man's* idol. His great wealth, which he believed provided security and status, was actually holding him captive. The Greek word for 'perfect' here, 'teleios,' doesn't mean flawless, but rather complete or mature. To be complete, the man needed to surrender what he loved more than God. The man's reaction is telling: 'he went away sad, for he was one who had great possessions.' His sadness wasn't from lack of understanding, but from the agony of choosing between his earthly treasure and following Jesus. He valued his possessions more than God's invitation.
Camels and Needles
After the rich young man departs, Jesus turns to His disciples and delivers a startling pronouncement: 'Most certainly I say to you, a rich man will enter into the Kingdom of Heaven with difficulty.' He then follows with the iconic image: 'it is easier for a camel to go through a needle’s eye than for a rich man to enter into God’s Kingdom.' This wasn't some exaggerated hyperbole about a small gate in Jerusalem; it was a truly impossible image, meant to shock. In that culture, wealth was often seen as a sign of God's favor, so this statement directly contradicted prevailing wisdom. The disciples' astonishment – 'Who then can be saved?' – underscores how radical this teaching was. If even the 'blessed' rich struggle, what hope is there for anyone?
Jesus clarifies, 'With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' This is the crux of the matter: salvation isn't achieved through human effort, moral perfection, or accumulated wealth. It's a divine act. This statement offers hope not by lowering the standard, but by shifting the focus from human capability to God's omnipotence. It implies that true entry into the Kingdom requires a complete surrender and transformation that only God can accomplish in a person. The camel through a needle's eye illustrates the human inability to achieve this on their own; God's power is the only way.
Peter, ever direct, asks about their own situation: 'Behold, we have left everything and followed you. What then will we have?' He's essentially asking about the ROI for their radical obedience. Jesus reassures them with a promise of future glory and reward: 'in the regeneration when the Son of Man will sit on the throne of his glory, you also will sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.' But He expands this promise beyond the inner circle: 'Everyone who has left houses, or brothers, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive one hundred times, and will inherit eternal life.' This isn't a call to abandon family without cause, but a recognition that following Jesus might, at times, demand sacrifices that feel like abandonment. The reward is far greater than anything given up, both in the present (the 'hundred times' could mean spiritual blessings or new community) and eternally. Jesus concludes with a proverb that encapsulates the Kingdom's reversal of conventional status: 'But many will be last who are first, and first who are last,' reminding them that human hierarchies mean nothing in God's eyes.
What are we supposed to see?
Jesus, through His actions and words in this passage, consistently demonstrates His authority over existing religious traditions and cultural norms. He doesn't shy away from challenging the Pharisees' legalistic interpretations of the law, nor does He soften His teaching to accommodate the disciples' discomfort or the rich man's attachments. By appealing to God's original design for marriage, valuing children over adult concerns, and making radical demands about wealth, Jesus shows that His Kingdom operates on a fundamentally different set of values than the world around Him. He is the ultimate interpreter of God's will, not bound by human custom or legalistic quibbling.
More profoundly, Jesus reveals His deep compassion and insight into the human heart. He sees the rich young man's sincerity but also his bondage to possessions. He doesn't condemn him but gives him a direct path to true freedom, even if the man can't take it. His embrace of the children, despite His disciples' protests, showcases His gentle heart and His valuing of the humble and dependent. Even in His stern pronouncements, there's an underlying grace—an invitation to a life of radical trust in God rather than self-reliance. He is the one who understands our deepest attachments and offers the only way out of their grasp.
- 1WHAT HE VALUES
God values His original design for relationships and commitment, particularly in marriage. He prioritizes childlike trust and humility over adult status or perceived importance. God values radical, undivided devotion, recognizing that attachment to earthly treasures can hinder true following.
- 2WHAT HE CONFRONTS
God confronts human legalism and superficial adherence to the law that misses the spirit of His commands. He confronts the 'hardness of heart' that leads to broken relationships and self-serving justifications. He confronts the deceptive security of wealth and the human tendency to idolize possessions.
- 3IDENTITY
Jesus is the ultimate authority on God's law and will, able to interpret it with divine insight, even correcting Moses' allowance for divorce by appealing to God's original intent. He is the one who defines true goodness and the path to eternal life, exposing what truly stands between people and God.
Where this sits in the whole Bible
Matthew 19:4-6 → Genesis 2:24
Jesus directly quotes Genesis 2:24 to establish God's original, foundational intent for marriage as a lifelong, 'one flesh' union, highlighting its divine origin and sacred nature over human laws or customs.
Matthew 19:21 → Luke 12:33-34
Jesus's call to the rich young man to sell his possessions and give to the poor is echoed in Luke, where He urges followers to 'sell your possessions and give to the poor' to lay up treasure in heaven, reinforcing the theme of detaching from earthly wealth for eternal reward.
Matthew 19:24 → Mark 10:25
The vivid image of the camel and the needle's eye is repeated in Mark's Gospel, underscoring the universal difficulty for those entangled in wealth to enter God's Kingdom, and emphasizing that salvation is ultimately a work of God, not human effort.
Jesus's interactions throughout this passage, whether with the Pharisees, the children, or the rich young man, reveal that His Kingdom demands a heart-level transformation and radical surrender, not just outward adherence to rules or accumulation of worldly success.
Don't rush past this
The most uncomfortable truth in this passage is Jesus's direct challenge to our most cherished attachments, especially wealth. His statement, 'it is easier for a camel to go through a needle’s eye than for a rich man to enter into God’s Kingdom,' is not a gentle suggestion; it’s an impossible scenario meant to highlight the utter difficulty. It makes us confront the unsettling reality that our possessions, often seen as blessings or necessities, can become insurmountable barriers to God. He isn't saying wealth itself is evil, but that the love of it, the dependence on it, and the unwillingness to part with it, can be a soul-destroying idol.
This goes beyond mere money. Jesus's call to the rich young man was a surgical strike at his specific idol, and the principle applies to anything we love more than God. It could be reputation, comfort, control, a relationship, or even our sense of independence. The agony the young man felt, going away sad, is the agony of confronting that deep, internal pull away from God. Jesus forces us to consider what *our* 'great possessions' are, what we clutch onto, and the high cost—the potential loss of eternal life—of refusing to let go when God asks.
Turn it inward
Three questions from this passage. Answer them or just sit with them — nothing here is required to finish the lesson.
God, it's hard to let go. We cling to so much—our comfort, our stuff, our plans. Help us see what truly stands between us and you. Give us the courage to loosen our grip on those earthly treasures. We want to follow you completely, trusting that your way leads to true life and the greatest treasure of all. Amen.
Identify one earthly comfort, possession, or relationship that you find yourself clinging to tightly, perhaps even more than your devotion to God. This week, intentionally create a small space between yourself and that thing. This could be by donating a seldom-used item, spending time with others instead of just one person, or taking a break from a habitual comfort to focus on prayer or service.
History, language, objections and sources. None of it is needed to understand the passage.
Did Jesus truly forbid all divorce, or was He simply speaking against frivolous divorce? His statement seems incredibly strict and has led to much suffering.
Jesus's teaching on divorce is indeed strict and has been interpreted in various ways throughout history. The key phrase 'except for sexual immorality' (Greek: 'porneia') is where much of the discussion centers. Some scholars interpret 'porneia' broadly to include various forms of sexual misconduct or unlawful marriages, while others argue it specifically refers to adultery. A common understanding is that Jesus was restoring God's original ideal for marriage as a lifelong covenant, acknowledging that human 'hardness of heart' had led to concessions like Moses' allowance for divorce. He was not giving a new legal loophole but highlighting the sanctity of the union. It is generally understood that Jesus condemned casual or self-serving divorce, aiming to protect marriage and the vulnerable, but the precise application of the 'exception clause' remains debated. The suffering caused by divorce is real, and Jesus's words are meant to call us to a higher standard of commitment and grace within marriage, and when marriages tragically break, His teaching reminds us of the serious nature of the covenant and the need for God's redemptive grace for all involved.
Is Jesus really saying that all rich people are barred from heaven? That seems unfair and contradictory to other parts of the Bible where wealthy people are blessed by God.
Jesus's statement about the rich man and the camel is deliberately provocative hyperbole, intended to shock His listeners and underscore a profound spiritual truth. He is not saying that wealth itself is inherently evil, nor that every rich person is condemned. Rather, He is highlighting the immense spiritual danger that comes with riches. Wealth often fosters self-sufficiency, a false sense of security, and a reluctance to depend on God. It can become an idol, taking God's rightful place in a person's heart. The rich young man's sadness confirmed this: he chose his possessions over following Jesus. Jesus clarifies immediately afterward that 'with men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.' This is the crucial point. Entry into God's Kingdom is not achieved by human effort, whether rich or poor, but by God's grace. For a wealthy person, letting go of their dependence on riches to fully depend on God is a particularly difficult, humanly impossible, act that requires divine intervention. The Bible shows many wealthy individuals who were faithful to God (e.g., Abraham, David, Joseph of Arimathea), but their faith was in God, not their money. The issue is not the amount in one's bank account, but what holds one's heart.
When Jesus says 'Everyone who has left houses, or brothers, or sisters...for my name’s sake, will receive one hundred times, and will inherit eternal life,' is He promoting abandonment of family for His sake? That seems irresponsible and harmful.
Jesus is not promoting the irresponsible abandonment of family or possessions without cause. Instead, He is acknowledging the very real cost that following Him can entail in a world often hostile to His message. In first-century society, one's identity, security, and social standing were deeply intertwined with family and inherited land. To choose Jesus could mean ostracism, disinheritance, or even persecution from one's own family and community. In such contexts, prioritizing allegiance to Jesus above all other loyalties, even familial ones, was indeed a radical act. The 'hundred times' promised is not necessarily a literal return of physical goods, but a spiritual abundance and a new family in the community of believers. It highlights that the sacrifices made for the Kingdom are never in vain and are met with a generous, overflowing reward from God, both in the present (a new spiritual family, purpose, peace) and in eternity. This teaching aims to prepare disciples for potential hardship and assure them of God's faithfulness, not to encourage reckless disregard for responsibilities.
The Context of Divorce in First-Century Judaism
The debate between the schools of Hillel and Shammai on divorce was a significant feature of Jewish legal discourse during Jesus's time. The 'certificate of divorce' mentioned by Moses (Deuteronomy 24:1-4) allowed a man to divorce his wife if 'she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her.' The Hillelites interpreted 'indecency' very broadly, permitting divorce for almost any reason, even a wife's poor cooking or appearance. The Shammaites, however, held a much stricter view, arguing 'indecency' referred specifically to sexual misconduct. When the Pharisees asked Jesus about divorce 'for any reason,' they were directly referencing the Hillelite position, attempting to force Jesus to align with one school, thereby alienating the other, or to offer a third, potentially controversial, opinion. Jesus's response effectively sidestepped their trap by appealing to God's original, pre-Mosaic intent for marriage, thus elevating the discussion beyond contemporary legal interpretations.
Furthermore, the social implications of divorce for women in the first century were dire. A divorced woman often lost her economic security and social standing, becoming vulnerable to poverty or exploitation, especially if she was divorced without fault. Jesus's strict stance on divorce, therefore, while seemingly harsh by modern standards, can be understood as a radical act of protection for women, challenging a patriarchal system that granted men immense power and often left women defenseless. By making divorce difficult and condemning remarriage after an illegitimate divorce as adultery, Jesus placed the burden of responsibility more heavily on the man, promoting the sanctity and permanence of marriage and safeguarding the vulnerable party.