Redefining Power
How should mutual respect and love reshape our most complicated and unequal personal relationships?
Ephesians 5:21-6:9
Read the whole passage before anything else. Everything below exists to help you understand what you just read.
21subjecting yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ.
22Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the assembly, being himself the savior of the body.
24But as the assembly is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their own husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly and gave himself up for her,
26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without defect.
28Even so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.
29For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord also does the assembly,
30because we are members of his body, of his flesh and bones.
31“For this cause a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife. Then the two will become one flesh.”
32This mystery is great, but I speak concerning Christ and the assembly.
33Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
2“Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with a promise:
3“that it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth.”
4You fathers, don’t provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
5Servants, be obedient to those who according to the flesh are your masters, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as to Christ,
6not in the way of service only when eyes are on you, as men pleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart,
7with good will doing service as to the Lord and not to men,
8knowing that whatever good thing each one does, he will receive the same good again from the Lord, whether he is bound or free.
9You masters, do the same things to them, and give up threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with him.
What just happened?
Imagine the city of Ephesus in the middle of the first century AD. It's a bustling port city, a major economic and religious hub in the Roman province of Asia Minor. People from all over the Mediterranean basin lived, traded, and worshipped here. Roman law and social structures deeply shaped daily life, especially within the household, which was considered the fundamental unit of society. The head of the household – almost always the male paterfamilias – held immense power over his wife, children, and enslaved people, with their lives and even deaths often at his discretion. These societal norms were deeply ingrained, forming the invisible framework of relationships.
Into this established social order, a letter arrives from Paul, an apostle of Jesus. He's writing to the emerging community of Jesus-followers in Ephesus. This community, made up of Jews and Gentiles, former enslaved people and free citizens, rich and poor, is trying to figure out what it means to live differently in a world that mostly operates by different rules. They've heard about Jesus's life, death, and resurrection, and they've committed to following him. But how does this new way of life – this "cosmic blueprint" for unity and grace – actually play out in their homes, in their most intimate and often unequal relationships?
Paul's letter isn't advocating for a social revolution in the way we might think of it today. He's not telling enslaved people to rebel or wives to divorce their husbands en masse. Instead, he's quietly inserting a radically subversive idea right into the heart of the Roman household. He's redefining the very nature of power, authority, and love within these relationships, grounding them not in Roman custom or personal preference, but in the upside-down ethics of Jesus. He's asking them to live out this new reality in their most common, everyday interactions, starting with a foundational principle of mutual submission.
The Unexpected Starting Point
Paul begins this entire section with a phrase that sets the stage: "subjecting yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ." This isn't a suggestion; it's a command, a bedrock principle for all relationships within the community of Jesus. The Greek word translated "subjecting yourselves" (hypotassō) means to place oneself under, to yield, or to arrange oneself under another. But the crucial part here is "to one another." It's reciprocal, a two-way street. Before he addresses any specific group, Paul establishes a universal call to humility and mutual regard, driven by reverence for Christ.
This initial instruction immediately flips the conventional Roman social hierarchy on its head. In the broader culture, submission was almost always unidirectional – from the 'lower' status person to the 'higher.' Here, Paul insists that *everyone* in the Jesus-following community, regardless of their social standing, is to adopt an attitude of willing deference toward each other. This is not about inferiority, but about a shared commitment to Christ that transforms how they interact. This single verse is the interpretive key for everything that follows, painting all subsequent instructions with the color of mutual respect, not domination.
Husbands and Wives: A New Kind of Headship and Love
Paul then turns to wives and husbands, telling wives to "be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord." He uses the metaphor of Christ and the assembly (the church) to explain this: "For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the assembly, being himself the savior of the body." And he concludes this thought by instructing wives, "as the assembly is subject to Christ, so let the wives also be to their own husbands in everything." For many, this sounds problematic, and it is a passage that has been used to justify harmful power imbalances.
But then Paul immediately turns to husbands, and his instruction is profoundly challenging: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly and gave himself up for her." This isn't just a sentimental love; the Greek word *agapē* here signifies a sacrificial, self-giving love that seeks the highest good of the other, even at great personal cost. He elaborates: Christ gave himself up for the assembly "that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her... that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle... but that she should be holy and without defect." This is a call to husbands to love in a way that cherishes, protects, nourishes, and actively works for their wife's flourishing, well-being, and holiness – to the point of laying down their own life and desires. It’s a love that mirrors Christ's saving work.
Paul doubles down, saying husbands "ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself." This isn't about self-love; it’s about recognizing the profound unity in marriage, where the other's well-being is intrinsically linked to one's own. He closes by echoing Genesis: "For this cause a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife. Then the two will become one flesh." This 'mystery' is about Christ and the assembly, but also about marriage: a profound, unified bond where the husband's 'headship' is defined by Christ's self-sacrificing leadership, and the wife's 'submission' is in the context of this radical, life-giving love. It ends with a summary: "each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
Children and Parents: Righteousness and Nurture
Next, Paul addresses children and parents. To children, he says: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." He connects this directly to the Old Testament command, "Honor your father and mother," noting that it comes with a promise: "that it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth." This isn't just about good manners; it's about a fundamental principle of order and respect within the family unit and society, rooted in God's design.
Then, to fathers (and by extension, parents), he offers a crucial counter-balance: "You fathers, don’t provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." The word "provoke" here means to irritate, exasperate, or cause anger. In a culture where fathers held absolute power, this was a revolutionary instruction. Instead of treating children as property or being overly harsh, dismissive, or demanding, fathers are called to "nurture" them. This Greek word (ektrephō) implies feeding, cherishing, and bringing up with care. Their discipline and instruction should be life-giving, aimed at building up, not tearing down, shaped by the compassion and wisdom of God, not arbitrary anger or control.
Slaves and Masters: Serving the Heavenly Master
Finally, Paul addresses enslaved people and their masters. He tells enslaved people, "Servants, be obedient to those who according to the flesh are your masters, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as to Christ." He emphasizes that their service should not be superficial, "not in the way of service only when eyes are on you, as men pleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart." He assures them that "whatever good thing each one does, he will receive the same good again from the Lord, whether he is bound or free." This instruction is not an endorsement of slavery but a call to live out faith even within oppressive structures.
Then, Paul turns to masters: "You masters, do the same things to them, and give up threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no partiality with him." This instruction is even more explosive. "Do the same things to them" (meaning, serve them as to Christ, from the heart, knowing God will reward) fundamentally redefines the master-slave dynamic. Masters are told to cease threatening (apeilē), which points to the common practice of harsh discipline and intimidation. The ultimate game-changer is the reminder that masters themselves have a Master in heaven who shows no favoritism. This levels the playing field entirely, reminding masters that their authority is limited and they too are accountable to a higher power. It's a call for masters to treat their enslaved people with justice, mercy, and respect, viewing them not as property but as fellow human beings under God's ultimate authority.
What are we supposed to see?
This passage shows that God's authority is not about crushing others but about self-sacrificial love and the flourishing of all. In every unequal relationship – husband-wife, parent-child, master-slave – Paul insists that the one with more power is called to use that power not for their own benefit, but for the good, nurture, and even holiness of the one under their care. This mirrors Jesus's own leadership: he, who had all authority, humbled himself, becoming a servant, and laid down his life for those he came to save. God's action in Jesus redefines strength not as domination, but as redemptive, costly love.
The passage also shows that God sees and values every individual, regardless of their social standing or power in the eyes of the world. He promises reward for faithful service to the enslaved, and he holds masters accountable for their treatment of those under their authority. There is no partiality with him. This means that God's justice is not swayed by human hierarchies, but by the integrity of the heart and the actions taken, especially towards the vulnerable. He confronts systems of power that oppress and devalue, not by direct overthrow in this text, but by injecting a moral standard that undermines their very foundations.
- 1WHAT HE VALUES
God values mutual respect and self-giving love as the bedrock of all relationships, especially where power imbalances exist.
- 2WHAT HE VALUES
God values the dignity of every person, regardless of their social status, and demands that power be wielded for the benefit and flourishing of others, not for personal gain or oppression.
- 3WHAT HE CONFRONTS
God confronts the abuse of power and any system that dehumanizes or exploits others, even by subtly re-framing traditional social structures through the lens of Christ's sacrificial love.
Where this sits in the whole Bible
Ephesians 5:21 → Philippians 2:3-4
Ephesians 5:21 calls for mutual submission, while Philippians 2:3-4 echoes this by urging believers to "consider others better than yourselves" and "look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others," demonstrating the same Christ-like humility as the foundation for community.
Ephesians 5:25 → John 15:13
Ephesians 5:25 calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. John 15:13, where Jesus says "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends," directly defines this supreme, self-sacrificial love that husbands are called to embody.
Ephesians 6:9 → Colossians 4:1
Ephesians 6:9 tells masters to treat their enslaved people justly, reminding them they have a Master in heaven. Colossians 4:1 gives a parallel instruction, "Masters, grant to your servants justice and fairness, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven," reinforcing the accountability of masters to God and the call for equitable treatment.
The often-overlooked first verse, Ephesians 5:21, is the lens through which all subsequent instructions on household relationships must be understood: mutual submission in reverence for Christ, meaning no command to 'submit' is ever truly one-sided in its ethical implications.
Don't rush past this
The most uncomfortable part of this passage for many, especially in modern Western society, is the instruction to wives in Ephesians 5:22-24 to "be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord." This phrasing immediately raises red flags due to its historical misuse in justifying patriarchal oppression and abuse within marriages. It appears to contradict modern understandings of equality and partnership.
Equally challenging, though often less focused on, are the instructions concerning slavery in Ephesians 6:5-9. Paul does not explicitly condemn or abolish slavery. Instead, he addresses both enslaved people and masters within that existing social structure, telling enslaved people to obey their masters "as to Christ" and masters to treat their enslaved people justly. This can be deeply unsettling, as it seems to legitimate an institution that we now widely recognize as an egregious human rights violation, rather than calling for its immediate end.
Turn it inward
Three questions from this passage. Answer them or just sit with them — nothing here is required to finish the lesson.
God, this passage challenges us to rethink how we use our power and relate to one another. Forgive us for the times we have sought our own way or used our position to dominate. Help us to see others as you see them, and to love them with the same self-giving, sacrificial love that Jesus showed us. May our relationships reflect the profound unity and grace you offer, bringing honor to your name in our homes and workplaces.
This week, identify one personal relationship where you hold more power, influence, or authority (e.g., parent-child, employer-employee, older sibling-younger sibling). Make a conscious decision to use that power not for your own comfort or control, but to actively nourish, protect, and build up the other person, looking out for their best interest above your own, much like Christ did for his assembly.
History, language, objections and sources. None of it is needed to understand the passage.
Why doesn't Paul directly condemn slavery in this passage, if it's such an evil institution?
This is a common and legitimate question, often raised by those examining the New Testament's stance on slavery. It's important to understand the historical context: slavery was deeply woven into the fabric of the Roman Empire's economy and social structure. A direct condemnation by Paul would likely have been seen as a call for social revolution, potentially leading to widespread chaos, rebellion, and severe persecution of early Jesus-followers, who were already a vulnerable minority. Instead, Paul subtly undermines the *basis* of slavery by insisting on the spiritual equality of enslaved and free, and by demanding that masters treat their enslaved people with justice, mercy, and as fellow humans accountable to the same heavenly Master. He introduces principles that, if consistently applied, would eventually make the institution of chattel slavery morally untenable within a Jesus-following community, and indeed, historically contributed to its eventual decline in some cultures.
If husbands are called to be the 'head' and wives are to 'submit,' doesn't that inherently create an unequal and oppressive relationship, even with the call for love?
This is a core interpretive challenge. The Greek word for 'head' (kephalē) can mean source or authority, and how it is interpreted here profoundly shapes the understanding of marriage. Some argue it denotes an ultimate authority or final decision-maker, while others emphasize its meaning as 'source' or 'origin,' like the head of a river. However, even if understood as authority, Paul radically redefines this 'headship' by immediately connecting it to Christ's headship over the church: one of self-sacrifice, cleansing, nourishing, and cherishing, even to the point of death. The call for a husband to 'love' his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-29) is so demanding and self-emptying that it transforms any traditional notion of patriarchal authority into a servant-leadership that prioritizes the wife's well-being and holiness above his own desires. The 'submission' of the wife (Ephesians 5:22) is thus framed within a relationship where the husband is called to lay down his life for her, mirroring Christ's love, and rooted in the mutual submission of 5:21.
The passage says wives should submit 'in everything.' Does that mean a wife should submit to her husband even if he asks her to do something wrong or harmful?
The phrase 'in everything' (en panti) needs careful consideration alongside the preceding phrase, 'as to the Lord.' If a husband's request or command contradicts the clear teachings of 'the Lord' (Jesus), then a wife's primary allegiance to Christ would supersede her obligation to her husband. Early Jesus-followers consistently understood that their ultimate loyalty was to Christ, even when it meant disobeying human authorities (e.g., Acts 5:29). Therefore, 'submission' is never an absolute or unqualified obedience to human authority when that authority demands actions contrary to God's will or physical/emotional safety. The surrounding context of mutual submission (5:21) and the husband's radical, self-sacrificial love (5:25-30) also provide guardrails, indicating that this is meant to be a relationship of mutual respect and benevolent leadership, not unquestioning obedience to harmful directives.
The Roman Household (Oikos) Context
To truly grasp the radical nature of Paul's instructions, one must understand the Roman 'oikos' or household. Unlike modern conceptions, the Roman household was an economic, social, and legal unit. The paterfamilias (father of the family) had immense legal power, known as 'patria potestas,' which extended to life and death over his children, and absolute control over his wife and enslaved people. Wives, though free, had no independent legal standing and were subject to their husband's authority. Enslaved people were considered property. Paul's instructions, while not overthrowing these structures, subtly inject a counter-cultural ethos. He addresses *all* members of the household directly, giving agency and moral accountability even to the enslaved, which was highly unusual. By demanding that the paterfamilias (husband/father/master) exercise his power with self-sacrificial love and accountability to a higher Master, he redefines the very essence of authority from domination to Christ-like service.
Furthermore, the structure of 'household codes' (Haustafeln) was common in Greco-Roman ethical writings. What makes Paul's different is the reciprocal nature introduced by 5:21 ('subjecting yourselves to one another') and the specific theological grounding in Christ's relationship with the church. While other codes emphasized societal order and the duties of the 'lower' to the 'higher,' Paul consistently balances the duties of the 'higher' (husbands, fathers, masters) with profound ethical demands based on love, justice, and accountability to God. This isn't just about maintaining social stability; it's about transforming human relationships from within, based on a new, divine blueprint.